面对 + 接受 + 克服 + 放下 = 忘记

This is a quote that I have gotten from an old Taiwan drama, 西街少年 (westside Story). I like this quote .... It means, By facing the problem and accept your current situation. Then from there, overcome it and put it down as your past will equvialent to forgetting it. It is understandable but hard to have it done. To be able to face and overcome it, it's really a challenge and takes time, determination, perseverance and effort. Putting it down as a past is also another high hurdle to jump across. Some things are not easy to forget, especially when it affects your life deeply ....



Just received a call from Ivy .... meeting me tomorrow at Chomel. She say she want to buy stuff to make a card for a orientation leader in her poly to thank that person for the hard work done. I broke down after the call. I realised that I mind for not being able to go into a poly with them this year. I thought I have already got used to not being able to move on with them .... Going to Sec 4 and 5, taking 'N'and 'O' levels and graduate with them. But, I realised I'm not ..... I'm not. I wished I'm able to have the same steps with them. I hope to rewind the time clock to go back to the past to make changes in my errors done .... But I can't. Badly and sadly .... I cried in the lonely room, as lonely as me.



Today, My friends started their school life in poly. They have moved onto a new stage of life and i'm still in that school. Our lifes are different now ..... going on separate ways. We wouldn't be able to be the same again .... going out together, playing and laughing. I'm alone now .... left alone in the school. No friends .... no one to accompany me and to really talk to. All alone. No one knows how it feels to be me ..... to be the real me.



Today, went out with Ivy, Jingyi and Hong Keng to Bugis ..... Met at Chomel in the morning and went to have a meal at Jurong Point before going there. But, I don't feel happy for that whole day .... in fact I feel bad, deep inside my heart. Tomorrow will be their first day of poly school life and they are talking about how they are afraid of starting anew. They had their conversation and I couldn't add a word to it. I realised that I am drifting, further and further away from them. From the topics they talked of, I couldn't much add on to it. The feeling of it was bad .... I'm really afraid that we will soon come to a point of losing contact. 6 years of friendship .... I just feel heartbroken when coming to think that it is going to end. I can't bear with that sadness deep inside me. They asked me why I felt so down but I don't know how to tell them .... I don't want to have their mood affected by me. We, girls had a hug with each other before going home. I cried on my way back home on the bus. No one will see my tears and sorrow there and that is only when I can cry out my heart. Really hope that I'm thinking too much .....








So glad to be back in Huayi today .... got a really big 'welcome back' from my classmates. For the first time .... I feel that I belong to their class. 2 years ago when I first joined their class, I was in the worst stage of my life. Retaining made me dislike being in this class and school for previous 2 years. I don't feel like bonding with them ..... and they already have their own group of friends so it's hard to now then enter their circle. Now, I really want to have my own really good freinds in the class ..... Met some subject teachers in class too. Feel great to see them .... 2 taught me not for the first time while 1 is. This year, my class got most good teachers teaching us ..... hope this will help us in our 'O' level examination. Went to Singapore Poly Open House trip with class that our school planned. We went after geography class .... a lesson after recess. We got a goodie bag each and went around for a tour in the poly. Got to know some courses that the school teaches. leave the poly at around 1 .....
After leaving SP, went to Jurong Point to meet Ivy, Jingyi and ZhuangMin. Went for a lunch at SaFra and then shop around JP. Planned this afternoon of event as Ivy don't have to work today. It's not easy to meet together as she has part-time work. I enjoyed a lot today .... hope everyone too.



From tomorrow onwards, I'm going back to Huayi Secondary to take my 'O' levels .... this is my last and final decision. There will be no more changes ..... for sure. I have made my choice and have to stick to it. Those who are around me for these few years knows what had happened to me and know I dislike this school. This school gives me a lot of sad memories, although I know it's not its fault. But, now I'm going back .... willingly. I'm going back to face the 'O' level obstacle ..... I'm not going to run away from my fear of failing this time. Since PSLE, I have been running away from my fear ..... When I'm afraid of the stress of express stream and thinking that I woundn't be able to cope it, I ran to Normal Academic stream. Now I notice, the more I run away .... the longer is the route I have to take. Although I know may not make it this time, It can be once again due to my sleeping habit, laziness and lack of determination .... but I want to try. I know very well that I'm not stupid but a person full of weaknesses. I can actually suceed, is just that I did not try my best to fulfill what I want. I want to try my best to change myself ..... determination is what I need ....